It's been a bit over a month since I've moved into Rutgers. Things are going pretty smoothly, and I've mostly settled in. However, there have been a couple of issues that I've had to deal with in terms of myself. Unfortunately, I cannot say that I am completely content with how I'm living right now. Not to say life is bad, since I am almost always having a good time and learning new things. But however, I accomplished many of the "goals" that I wished to accomplish upon coming into college.
These are typical things, nothing too out of the ordinary. Things such as getting a high GPA, making a new friend group, finding a girlfriend, and participating in clubs. Obviously college is the time to start thinking about what you will be doing for the rest of your life, and for now, I want to attain the college experience that everyone has. I want to live a new life but in some cases I find myself right back where I was in high school. I want to go to meet new people and have fun while also balancing my social life with my education.
However, is this the life that God wants me to live? Is my purpose in life merely to partake in the "typical college experience"? Is my college life going to be filled merely with frisbees and Asian culture clubs? Although I would very much like it to be, I truly believe that God has a different plan for me. He has been tugging at my heart for the past month asking me, "what do you truly want to do with your life?". And my answer for the longest time has been "I don't know". But once again, is this life really mine? No, I owe everything to God and me asking of Him to just let me have the typical college experience is nothing short of selfishness. However, God speaks to you in so many different ways. After struggling with myself for the longest time I've finally come to realize the things I must do. I never really expected that I would find myself wanting to do something like this, but God spoke to me in a way that I just couldn't refuse. It's still very shaky in my heart, but I think this is what God has in store for me. I'm not going to say it yet, but I really think that this could be a life changing decision.
So its been a couple of days since I've moved into Rutgers, and I've been having a good time getting accustomed to the college life. One thing that I think I've been handling well is grounding my faith in God. I joined almost like 5 different on-campus Christian organizations so I will always have something to do that will encourage me to keep my heart focused on God. College is a time of many temptations, and although I'm in such a threatening environment, I've been very stubborn with my faith and my morals, so I've been avoiding such things altogether. Me, Josh, Matt and Amos have been having a good time looking out for each other and keeping each other accountable in our faith. Having such a fellowship really makes a big difference on how you live your college life.
Although times can get pretty stressful due to classes and different clubs, I think that as long as I manage my time well I will be able to get through the week. I have around two to three classes a day, and only one class on Friday. Although we have only a couple of classes, we really don't have that much time since we need to get around campus via bus and walking. So normally my day will start at around 10:30 AM, and I'll either have a break in between my two classes or just a straight route to my next class, and at the end of it all, I'll usually get back to my dorm or the dining hall at around 8 PM. It doesn't leave much time for other activities, but I will try to squeeze in time for clubs such as Ultimate, R8, CCF, or Intervarsity.
As for myself, I'm enjoying the college life a lot. It really feels good to be independent and have so much freedom, but at the same time you have to keep yourself accountable so you study hard and do all your work. It's a really big jump from high school, but I'm sincerely enjoying myself.
I will sing a song of hope Sing along God of heaven come down Heaven come down Just to know that You are near is enough God of heaven come down, heaven come down
So, its currently Friday morning at 3:26, and I'm still awake because my mouth is killing me. I have a little more than a week before I move into Rutgers and classes begin, so it's about that time where I start winding down from all I've been doing this summer and get ready for school.
I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed on Monday. Apparently, they were growing in horizontally so it was necessary that I got them out. First time I ever had surgery of any sort, and let me tell you, it's a pretty weird experience. When they first put me under the gas, I was actually trying to resist it and see how long I could last without falling asleep. In the midst of doing it, I suddenly woke up and I had gauze all stuffed up in my mouth. I felt nauseous and dizzy, and I noticed that the lower half of my jaw was numb. Not the best first thing you really want to feel when you wake up. When I got back home, apparently my body didn't react that well to the drugs and I ended up puking a bit. The worst part was the fact that the lower part of my mouth was immobile, so puking was probably the worst thing I could do at that point. I ate nothing but mashed potatoes and yogurt that day, and I have yet to consume solids.
I thought this was pretty cute. But what's not cute is the pain from the four gaps in my mouth that I've had to deal with for the past 3-4 days. The worst is when you wake up because the painkillers have worn off and if you don't sleep with your head elevated, the blood will rush to your head and make it worse. Yeah, it sucks but it's not unbearable. I usually have a high tolerance for pain, but this kind of pain is really more annoying, if anything. Really, the worst part is not being able to eat solids, because I've had the biggest White Castle craving lately and not being able to satisfy that craving is the most painful feeling ever. Mashed potatoes and ice cream just don't cut it.
So a couple things I can not do while I'm in this condition: Strenuous activity, so no ultimate for me for a while. Eat solids, obviously. This is more of a recommendation, but I'm required to sleep with my body or at least my head upright. No using a straw, because sucking on something may loosen the stitches.
Also, my cheeks have swollen a bit, so I prefer not to talk due to the pain. Yeah, I know you're all wondering how I look like now but really, it's not that noticeable, sorry to disappoint you. So if I don't talk much at youth group or church the next couple of days just remember that I have four gaps in my mouth.
So this year I finally decided to do VBS after only helping out all the years before. After all of it was over I realized how big of a mistake it was to neglect doing VBS before. There have been many things that have moved me in different ways during my life such as Pilgrim Camp or the Winter Retreat, but I have to say that VBS may have had one of the biggest effects on me. The reason I hadn't done VBS before was solely based on my own belief that I wasn't worthy to do it. I thought that I wasn't worthy to serve and lead these children, because of my situations and scenarios at that time. I thought that there were so many more people who could give these children a better example than I could have.
To be honest, the initial reason that I did VBS this year was because of peer pressure. People urged me to do it every year and I refused each time. I didn't even go to any of the meetings before VBS because I was out playing frisbee and doing other things the entire time. To sum it up, my attitude towards VBS in the beginning was sort of just like, "Eh. Let's get this over with." During decorations I was pretty tired and there were so many things that were annoying me such as the tape falling off or how awkward the netes looked. The entire time I just wanted to finish so I could just go off do my own thing.
Also, on a side note, I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with the children. I had never really tried to speak to kids younger than me or associate with them. Usually when little kids whined or complained I would get agitated pretty easily. So, I wasn't sure how I would lead them if I was so uncomfortable around them.
Sure enough, God spoke to me in so many different ways the moment VBS started on Monday. The second I walked into that sanctuary and saw so many little children singing and dancing in praise, my mindset of VBS completely changed. It's not often that you get to see so many hearts that are that willing to serve, worship, and learn about God in one place. Instead of looking at VBS as a job, I looked at it as an opportunity.
Growing up, I didn't have many resources to learn about God. Although I went to RCCC, the concept of God and Jesus stayed in my head but never made it quite near my heart. As I grew older I forgot completely about God, and I began to forget that I was ever even a Christian. It wasn't until around 8th grade that I finally remembered why I was a Christian and the joys of having Jesus in your life. When I saw these kids at VBS, I guess I saw a little bit of myself in them, and I thought that as the VBS staff, we could have a huge effect on what happens later on in these childrens' lives. Our job is to guide them and lead them on the right path to salvation. In less words, I didn't want these kids to experience what I had. The years where I had forgotten about God were the years in which I had suffered the most.
With God working through me during VBS, I was able to do a lot of things that I really did not think I could do. Playing outside all day in the heat with the children was exhausting and at the end of the day I was very tired, but at the same time during the day I felt no burdens or stresses because I was thoroughly enjoying every moment that God was giving me. As for the lack of communication with the kids, God really took away any worries that I had and I got to know the kids. I got to know one kid named Kyle who ended up really liking me and called my name every now and then when he saw me. Being there for the children and being someone that they look up to is probably one of the, if not, the most touching experience in my life.
Right now, it is 2:55 AM and I'm awake because I still can't stop thinking about how great God was to give me such an opportunity to work with the children. I can't believe how fast it all went by, and although its only been a day since it ended, I am writing about it because it is just completely necessary that I put what I'm feeling to words. I'm very sad that it is over, but I will remember it as one of the most important weeks of my life. Although I heard from some people, "VBS was a lot better last year", honestly, I couldn't have asked for anything else. The feeling of being able to help "fearless kids shine God's light" is by far the best feeling in the world.
